After two years of dating, I thought my boyfriend, Jason, knew me well enough to love me beyond a number on a scale.<\/p>\n
Apparently, I was wrong.<\/p>\n
We were lying in bed together on a Saturday morning when he suddenly said something that made me sit up.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan I be honest with you?\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned toward him.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course.\u201d<\/p>\n
He hesitated, then looked me up and down.<\/p>\n
\u201cI’ve noticed you’ve gained some weight.\u201d<\/p>\n
I blinked.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay?\u201d<\/p>\n
He sighed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI’m just finding it harder to feel as attracted to you as I used to.\u201d<\/p>\n
For a moment, I thought he was joking.<\/p>\n
He wasn’t.<\/p>\n
He explained that my changing body wasn’t what he had initially been attracted to and that he preferred how I looked when we first started dating.<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
I was twenty-three years old. I had gained approximately ten pounds over two years. I still wore the same size six-to-eight clothes, exercised regularly, and felt perfectly comfortable in my body.<\/p>\n
But apparently, that wasn’t enough for Jason.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you concerned about my health?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
He shook his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot exactly. It’s more about attraction.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat up fully.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe you should provide better food than crackers and cheese when I come over on weekends.\u201d<\/p>\n
He frowned.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat does that have to do with anything?\u201d<\/p>\n
I laughed softly.<\/p>\n
\u201cAlmost every weekend, I come here, and that’s what you offer me. You order takeaway, snack all evening, and then complain that I’ve gained weight?\u201d<\/p>\n
He rolled his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cI’m not blaming you. I’m just telling you how I feel.\u201d<\/p>\n
I took a breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cFine. So, what exactly is your solution?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked at me for several seconds.<\/p>\n
Then he answered.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think you should lose the ten pounds. Maybe start going to the gym more often. We could work out together, and you could be more careful about what you eat.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cTogether?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. It would be good for both of us.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the man beside me.<\/p>\n
For two years, I had thought we were building a relationship based on affection, trust, and mutual respect.<\/p>\n
Now he was presenting my body as a project he wanted to manage.<\/p>\n
But he wasn’t finished.<\/p>\n
He reached for his phone and showed me a photograph of a woman from social media.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is more the kind of shape I find attractive.\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at the picture, then back at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou’re comparing me to another woman?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI’m just showing you what I mean.\u201d<\/p>\n
I put the phone down.<\/p>\n
\u201cJason, do you hear yourself?\u201d<\/p>\n
He became defensive.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy are you getting upset? I’m allowed to have preferences.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course you are. And I’m allowed to decide whether I want to be in a relationship with someone who makes me feel like I’m being graded.\u201d<\/p>\n
He shook his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou’re making this bigger than it needs to be.\u201d<\/p>\n
I got out of bed and started looking for my clothes.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere are you going?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHome.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSeriously? You’re leaving over one conversation?\u201d<\/p>\n
I turned toward him.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. I’m leaving because of what this conversation revealed.\u201d<\/p>\n
He followed me into the bedroom.<\/p>\n
\u201cCome on. I didn’t say you’re unattractive. I said I preferred how you looked before.\u201d<\/p>\n
I zipped my bag.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I preferred how you treated me before.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stood in the doorway.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you’re not even willing to try?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked at him.<\/p>\n
\u201cTry what? To become the woman in your photograph?\u201d<\/p>\n
He sighed.<\/p>\n
\u201cI just want us to be physically compatible.\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded slowly.<\/p>\n
\u201cThen maybe we’re not compatible.\u201d<\/p>\n
I picked up my bag and walked out.<\/p>\n
He didn’t follow me.<\/p>\n
On the drive home, I felt a strange mixture of sadness and relief.<\/p>\n
I wasn’t devastated because of the ten pounds.<\/p>\n
I was hurt because the person I trusted had made me feel as though my body was something I needed to apologize for.<\/p>\n
That afternoon, Jason sent me a message.<\/p>\n
I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say. I was just being honest.<\/strong><\/p>\n I replied:<\/p>\n Honesty doesn’t give you the right to make someone feel inadequate.<\/strong><\/p>\n He responded almost immediately.<\/p>\n I don’t want to break up. I just want you to take care of yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\n I stared at the message.<\/p>\n Then I asked:<\/p>\n Would you have said the same thing if I had lost ten pounds?<\/strong><\/p>\n He didn’t answer.<\/p>\n A few hours later, he called.<\/p>\n I answered because I wanted to hear what he had to say.<\/p>\n \u201cLook,\u201d he began. \u201cI love you. I just think we should both make an effort.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat effort are you making?\u201d<\/p>\n He sounded confused.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou want me to change my body, change my eating habits, and go to the gym more often. What are you willing to change?\u201d<\/p>\n He went quiet.<\/p>\n I continued.<\/p>\n \u201cYou don’t cook when I’m at your place. You don’t suggest activities unless they involve sitting on the sofa. You don’t ask how I’m feeling. You just look at me and decide I don’t match your preference anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n He sighed.<\/p>\n \u201cThat’s not fair.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNeither was the conversation this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n Then he said something I hadn’t expected.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought you’d want to improve yourself for me.\u201d<\/p>\n That was it.<\/p>\n Not for my health.<\/p>\n Not because I had asked for help.<\/p>\n Not because I wanted a lifestyle change.<\/p>\n For him.<\/p>\n I felt something inside me settle.<\/p>\n \u201cJason, I don’t want to spend the next several years wondering whether you’ll still find me attractive after every birthday, every stressful month, or every normal change that comes with being human.\u201d<\/p>\n He said nothing.<\/p>\n \u201cI want a partner who supports me, not someone who makes affection feel conditional.\u201d<\/p>\n He finally responded.<\/p>\n \u201cSo that’s it? Two years mean nothing?\u201d<\/p>\n I took a breath.<\/p>\n \u201cTwo years mean a lot. That’s why I’m not going to pretend this conversation didn’t happen.\u201d<\/p>\n I ended the call.<\/p>\n The following week, he sent flowers to my apartment.<\/p>\n There was a card attached.<\/p>\n I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I still think we can work this out.<\/strong><\/p>\n I didn’t throw the flowers away.<\/p>\n But I didn’t call him either.<\/p>\n A few days later, he asked to meet for coffee.<\/p>\n I agreed.<\/p>\n We sat across from each other at a quiet caf\u00e9.<\/p>\n He looked nervous.<\/p>\n \u201cI’ve been thinking,\u201d he said. \u201cMaybe I handled it badly.\u201d<\/p>\n I nodded.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe.\u201d<\/p>\n He reached across the table.<\/p>\n \u201cI don’t want to lose you.\u201d<\/p>\n I pulled my hand back gently.<\/p>\n \u201cThen why did you make me feel like I wasn’t good enough?\u201d<\/p>\n He looked down.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn’t mean it that way.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut that’s how it felt.\u201d<\/p>\n He admitted that he had been comparing me to women he followed online and had developed unrealistic expectations about what a partner should look like.<\/p>\n He said he hadn’t realized how hurtful his words would be.<\/p>\n I appreciated the honesty.<\/p>\n But an apology didn’t automatically restore my trust.<\/p>\n I told him I needed a relationship where attraction wasn’t used as a weapon and where both people could change without fearing rejection.<\/p>\n He asked whether I would give him another chance.<\/p>\n I thought about it.<\/p>\n Then I answered honestly.<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n His face fell.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause I don’t want to spend my twenties trying to convince someone that I’m attractive enough to love.\u201d<\/p>\n He looked away.<\/p>\n I stood up, paid for my coffee, and walked out.<\/p>\n It hurt.<\/p>\n Of course it hurt.<\/p>\n Two years of memories don’t disappear because of one uncomfortable conversation.<\/p>\n But over time, I became grateful that he had shown me what he believed before I built more of my life around him.<\/p>\n I returned to my normal routine.<\/p>\n I went to the gym when I wanted to.<\/p>\n I ate what I enjoyed.<\/p>\n I spent weekends with friends, tried new restaurants, and stopped examining myself in the mirror looking for flaws someone else had pointed out.<\/p>\n A few months later, I started dating someone new.<\/p>\n His name was Michael.<\/p>\n On our third date, we went hiking and stopped at a little caf\u00e9 afterward.<\/p>\n I ordered a large sandwich and dessert.<\/p>\n He smiled.<\/p>\n \u201cGood choice. I’m starving.\u201d<\/p>\n I laughed.<\/p>\n There was no discussion about my weight.<\/p>\n No comparison.<\/p>\n No suggestion that I needed to earn his attraction.<\/p>\n Just two people enjoying lunch together.<\/p>\n I didn’t fall in love with Michael because he never criticized my appearance.<\/p>\n I appreciated him because he treated me like a whole person.<\/p>\n And that was the difference.<\/p>\n My body had changed by ten pounds.<\/p>\n My understanding of what I deserved had changed much more.<\/p>\n Jason had asked me to improve myself for him.<\/p>\n Instead, I improved my life by walking away.<\/p>\n And I never regretted it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" MY BOYFRIEND SAID HE WAS LESS ATTRACTED TO ME BECAUSE I GAINED 10 POUNDS\u2014THEN I ASKED HIM ONE QUESTION\u2026 After two years of dating, I thought my boyfriend, Jason, knew … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":247207,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-247245","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-honglay"],"brizy_media":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/honglay168.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/247245","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/honglay168.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/honglay168.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/honglay168.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/honglay168.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=247245"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/honglay168.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/247245\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":247246,"href":"https:\/\/honglay168.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/247245\/revisions\/247246"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/honglay168.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/247207"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/honglay168.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=247245"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/honglay168.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=247245"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/honglay168.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=247245"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}