Old Joe was known throughout three counties for one thing—his prize breeding bull, Big Red.
If anyone asked Joe how business was going, he’d puff out his chest and proudly declare,
“Business? Son, people drive for miles just to use my bull! Every cattle farmer around here wants him. I charge top dollar, and he’s booked almost every single day.”
His neighbor, Hank, laughed.
“Come on, Joe. You’re telling me one bull is really that special?”
Joe folded his arms and grinned.
“Special? Big Red has appointments at five different farms today. If I give him one day off, my phone rings off the hook with people asking when he’s available again!”
Hank shook his head.
“I’ve got to see this miracle animal for myself.”
That afternoon, Hank wandered over to Joe’s pasture expecting to find a massive, muscular bull standing proudly, snorting, pawing the ground, and looking ready for another day’s work.
Instead, he found Big Red stretched flat on the grass beneath an old oak tree.
The famous bull barely moved.
His eyes were half closed.
His tongue hung out.
Every few seconds he let out a long, exhausted sigh.
Hank couldn’t believe it.
He leaned over the fence and called out,
“Hey, Big Red!”
The bull slowly opened one eye.
“Aren’t you supposed to be visiting five farms today?”
Big Red groaned.
“I am…”
“Then why are you lying there like you’ve run a marathon?”
The bull sighed so deeply that a nearby bird flew off the fence.
“My friend… after years in this business, it’s not the work that wears you out.”
Hank scratched his head.
“Then what is?”
The bull slowly lifted his head and looked around to make sure Joe wasn’t listening.
Then he whispered,
“Keeping all those jealous husbands happy.”
Hank blinked.
“Jealous husbands?”
Big Red nodded.
“You’d think they’d understand it’s just business.”
“But every time I show up, there’s always one old bull standing across the fence giving me that look.”
“What look?”
“The ‘Don’t get too comfortable around my ladies’ look.”
Hank burst out laughing.
“I never thought about that!”
Big Red continued,
“Last week one chased me halfway across a pasture.”
“The week before that, another spent an hour trying to knock down the fence.”
“And yesterday one followed the trailer all the way to the gate just glaring at me.”
Hank could barely breathe from laughing.
“So the cows aren’t the problem?”
“The cows are lovely,” Big Red replied.
“It’s their husbands that make the job stressful.”
Just then Joe walked over carrying a bucket of grain.
“There you are, Big Red! Time to head to another farm.”
Big Red didn’t move.
Joe frowned.
“What’s wrong with you?”
The bull slowly looked at Hank.
Then back at Joe.
With one final dramatic sigh, he stood up, stretched every muscle in his body, and muttered,
“I suppose it’s time to go make another husband question his self-esteem.”
Joe looked confused.
“What was that?”
Big Red smiled.
“Oh… nothing.”
He climbed into the trailer like a tired old employee punching in for another shift.
As the truck pulled away, Hank stood at the fence shaking his head.
“I always thought that bull had the easiest job in the county.”
Joe laughed proudly.
“He does!”
From inside the trailer came one final voice.
“Easiest job?”
“You try being the most unpopular guy in five different neighborhoods before dinner!”
Even Joe couldn’t help laughing.
From that day on, whenever anyone bragged about Big Red’s busy schedule, Hank would simply smile and say,
“Trust me… that bull has earned every nap he’s ever taken.”
And somewhere down the road, Big Red was probably introducing himself to another suspicious old bull who was convinced his wife had suddenly become very interested in the fence.
The life of a famous breeding bull wasn’t glamorous after all—it was just one awkward introduction after another!
