The “Montana Viagra” That Got Them Banned From Starbucks
A woman from Montana walked into her doctor’s office looking exhausted.
The doctor looked up from his desk.
“Everything okay?”
She sighed.
“Not really, Doctor. My husband has completely lost interest in romance.”
The doctor raised an eyebrow.
“How long has this been going on?”
“Months,” she said. “I’ve tried everything. Romantic dinners, candles, weekend trips—you name it. Nothing works.”
The doctor nodded thoughtfully.
“Have you tried Viagra?”
The woman burst out laughing.
“Not a chance! That man won’t even take an aspirin when he has a headache. You think I’m going to convince him to take that?”
The doctor smiled.
“Well, then, maybe you need something a little more… Montana.”
She frowned.
“What does that mean?”
“I call it Montana Viagra.”
She leaned forward.
“What is it?”
The doctor lowered his voice as though he were sharing a closely guarded medical secret.
“Put a tiny amount of this special powder into his morning coffee. Don’t tell him. Then wait.”
The woman stared at him.
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
She thanked the doctor and left.
A week later, the doctor’s phone rang.
It was the woman.
“Doctor!” she shouted. “It was awful!”
The doctor immediately became concerned.
“Awful? What happened? Did he have a bad reaction?”
“Worse!”
“Worse than a bad reaction?”
“You don’t understand!”
The doctor took a breath.
“Okay. Tell me exactly what happened.”
She lowered her voice.
“This morning, I put the stuff in his coffee like you told me.”
“And?”
“He took one sip.”
The doctor waited.
“What happened?”
“He looked at me.”
“And?”
“He smiled.”
The doctor nodded.
“That sounds promising.”
“Then he suddenly became incredibly romantic!”
“Well…”
“He pulled me into his arms, started whispering sweet things, and before I knew what was happening, we ended up having a very unexpected romantic moment right there on the kitchen table!”
The doctor paused.
“Well… that doesn’t sound so terrible.”
There was silence on the phone.
Then the woman groaned.
“Maybe not for you.”
The doctor frowned.
“Why not?”
She sighed.
“Because we weren’t at home.”
The doctor sat up.
“You weren’t?”
“No.”
“Where were you?”
She answered quietly.
“Starbucks.”
The doctor was silent.
Then he asked,
“Wait. You mean the kitchen table at Starbucks?”
“Yes!”
There was another long silence.
Finally, the doctor said,
“Well… at least your husband got his romantic spark back.”
The woman sighed.
“Oh, he did.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
She groaned.
“The problem is…”
She lowered her voice.
“We’re never allowed back in Starbucks again.”
The doctor couldn’t help laughing.
“Mrs. Miller, I think that’s probably a small price to pay for saving your marriage.”
She sighed.
“You’re right.”
Then she paused.
“But there’s one more problem.”
“What now?”
“My husband wants to know where I got the coffee powder.”
The doctor froze.
“Why?”
“Because he says he wants to put some in my coffee tomorrow.”
The doctor laughed.
“Sounds like you’ve got a new problem.”
“What?”
“Your husband may have discovered Montana Viagra works both ways.”
She laughed.
“Well, Doctor, if that’s true, maybe we’ll need a bigger kitchen table.”
The doctor immediately replied,
“Just make sure it’s at home this time!”
And that was the last time the doctor ever recommended “Montana Viagra” without first asking where the patient planned to drink the coffee.
